Batteries Plus

Every now and again life brings me to a moment when I am transported back to a simpler time.  It happened today when I was attempting to update the navigation system in my 2017 Ford Edge.  The online instructions seemed simple enough - download the files needed to a flash drive (make sure the drive is reformatted correctly), then with the car turned on, insert the flash drive into the USB and follow the instructions.  Seems simple, right?

Wrong.

When I inserted the flash drive into the car's USB port, I received an error message "LST_ERR05" which I immediately did not recognize.  Fortunately, there was an 800 number that I could call and they would help me with that error message.  Sounds simple, right?

Wrong again.

I called the 800 number which sent me through an automated system designed to make consumers lose their minds.  After what seemed like a maze of numbers, I finally heard a human voice, ever sweet and ready to help me.  This has to be the place where the story gets simple, right?

C'mon man... you know better.

I know this person was smart and gifted enough to help me.  I just had a very hard time trying to understand her grasp of English pronunciation as I hear it.  This isn't a racist thing at all.  I was trying very hard to catch every word, every phrase.  It just was difficult.  After about thirty minutes, I was finally able to get the proper files on my flash drive (the error message was all about not having the latest updated software system - it needed to be the 3.0 203.20.7 version.  I only had the 3.0 version.  Who knew?) 

So, let's go out to the car, start it up and get this update rolling.  Sounds simple now, right?

Seriously, you don't know hard it is to be me sometimes...

The car would not start.  I heard a familiar sound from my past of a clicking battery and what that meant.  The battery was dead.  No two ways about it.  My car was running just fine until I started this whole update navigation file thing.  I knew what I had to do.   I politely apologized to the woman who had been so patient with me for the past forty-five minutes and told her I would not be able to proceed until I got the car started.  She gave me my case number and went on her way to the next customer.  

I remembered where the hood release lever was and tripped it, opened the hood, and located the battery.  Here is where my Back to the Future moment happened.  A person used to be able to just remove the battery cables from the battery which was always located on the driver's side front part of the engine.  It was so easy to get to.  I was looking at the Edge's interior motor parts and trying to recall when the last time I had to take out a dead battery.  It was decades ago.  I used to have a Dodge Dart that I changed starters, alternators, batteries, oil, plugs... I was a regular Gomer Pyle at Wally's Service Station!  I wasn't the only one - we all knew how to do those things - and we did them!  Shazaam!

Fast forward to today.  When I looked at the Ford Edge engine, it took a moment to realize that the manufacturers had located the battery just underneath the back of the engine.  No longer easily accessible, it was wedged in a tiny space that was tricky to remove.  Anywhere else and I was going to get someone else to come and do this for me.  But I did get it removed and $243 tariff free dollars later (I hope), I was ready to install a new battery.  The installation went fine.  No hitches.  No glitches.  Just some blood, sweat, and tears along the way.

After all of that, the updated software never did get installed.  Not yet.  I guess I will wait for another reminder of a simpler time to accomplish that task.  At least my car starts - so, I got that going for me.